Monday, May 16, 2011

A Belated Happy Mother's Day

Last week was Mother's Day.

Profound thought, right? Well, if you have ever suffered with infertility, had a miscarriage, had to "allow" your children to live with the other parent until things get "worked out," basically had any reason that your child, or a child, was not with you on that day, it's a pretty hard day. I know, from experience.

Last week, was actually an exception for me. Typically I dread going to church on Mother's Day. Now, before you have any ideas it's because I'm jealous of all the other mom's, or don't want to celebrate my own mother, let me put your assumptions to rest by saying, no...jealousy is NOT the reason. The reason Mother's Day is hard, whether you are childless, or an older single that longs to be married and be a mom, or a newly married couple that isn't sure if your body is going to "work" with you when it you are ready to add to your family, or because others in your family have had problems you don't know if it will happen to you, honestly has nothing to do with jealousy. It's hard to explain it if you have never experienced it, but it's all about a feeling of inadequacy, not understanding why your body, your mind, your soul...your life, doesn't fit into the plan that you have for yourself. Yep, I realize what that last sentence said, and yes, I know it's absurd, but we all do it. We all have plans for ourselves that may or may not work out. Sure, we tell God we trust HIM to give us the desires of our heart, but we all, whether we admit it or not, try to take matters into our own hands. So, because of my human nature, I started to stress about going to church on Mother's Day about two weeks before it ever happened. The funny thing is, nothing could have ever prepared me more for the weekend I was about to have.

On Saturday, day before Mother's Day, Donnie and I went to Costco. Every single "sample giver" wished me a HMD, and told me to enjoy my day. The first few times it happened I laughed, but then as the day went on it became almost absurd how many people were wishing me a Happy Mothers Day. Never before, in our 5 1/2 years of trying to grow our family, has this ever happened! I could understand if I had a child with me, but Donnie and I were alone, nothing in our basket pointed to us having children, and seriously, for the life of us, could not figure out while all these people were giving me these well wishes!?! In years past I would've cried, or wanted to get out of the store ASAP, but this year, I just kept looking at Donnie laughing and bewildered at the same time. We left Costco, headed to Target and Kroger, where again, every.single. person. we ran into wished me a HMD. It was so bizarre!

Fast forward to Sunday morning. We went to church with my parents, to honor my mom and Mimi by sitting with them during church on Mothers Day. When we got there, that little voice, and anxious spirit started to come back, and I was trying to figure out how I could get out of the service when the "will all Mother's please stand" segment came around. To my surprise, Bro. Ashley, the pastor at RBC, asked for all WOMEN to stand, and said that no matter if you are a mom or not, you are a mother figure to someone and should be honored. I could've cried right there on the spot. I have never felt more appreciated in all my life. Bro. Ashley went on to talk about circumstances in life that caused women to not be mom's yet, and even preached on Hannah out of 1 Samuel. (Before you get offended thinking that the "real mom's" may have felt less appreciated since he had all women stand, I asked one, a younger "real mom" if it made her feel underappreciated, and she assured me that it did not, and that she loved standing with all the women in the church. ) It was a Mother's Day church service I will not soon forget.

After that weekend I got an email from my friend Kacey. Kacey is a friend I've had since my days at First Tennessee Bank. Time took us apart for a while, but 5 years ago, we were brought back together through Germantown Baptist Church. Kacey has three children, and is pregnant with her fourth, however Kacey knows the feeling of losing an unborn child. She herself experienced a miscarriage in between her second and third child. Kacey is a friend that, before she openly tells everyone she's pregnant, will send me an email in private so that I won't be taken off guard when she announces it to everyone else. Kacey is a friend that has such a tender spot in her heart for me, and what I'm going through, that anytime she hears or sees something that has to do with infertility or adoption, she will send it to me so that I can listen, read, or watch whatever has been impressed upon her heart to share with me. I don't think I can ever tell her thank you enough, and I don't know that she really knows how much she does, in fact, minister to me, but I do think she knows, and understands how much I love her, and her willingness to listen to the Holy Spirits sweet promptings. Kacey sent me an email about a Focus on the Family segment about infertility. I tuned in the next day, and started to weep as I listened. These two women, Sarah, and Marlo, spoke right to my heart. Sarah, especially said everything, I've never been able to say, out loud. Unless you've personally walked this road, you will never know that there are times that you just don't know how to put what you are going through into words. People, even family, assume you are jealous, callous, or even cold with your feelings. Some people even create unneccessary drama concerning how you will act, or react to their news of having a child, or seeing their newborn for the first time. Everyone always has the "perfect thing" to say to you, however they will never know how much that "perfect thing", or their assumptions on how you may handle something, hurts. Sometimes you just want to hide away and be done with it all because you can't possibly explain one.more.time what is going on inside your head, and your heart. Sometimes you would like to scream and say "I am not jealous of you" or, "I am not going to grab your child like a football and steal him or her," and even "yes, working the nursery is sometimes cathartic for me!" Well these women, in a two part series said everything I've ever wanted, or will ever want to say about Hope in the Midst of Infertility. If you know someone, even if it's just me, that is in this process, listen to these broadcasts. It will help you understand what's going on inside a womans head that is going through this struggle. As my friend Kacey said to me to me last week, "it helps me to understand what you are going through, and know how to better pray for you."

Here is the link for the broadcast:{0FFE6B5D-C70F-4156-AA9E-620A7B9E0E72}

As I said, it's a two part series, so make sure to catch both parts!

Again, to all my friends who are mom's...A Belated Happy Mother's Day....and to my friends who aren't at that place in their life thoughts, prayers, and heart are always with, and for you!