Friday, June 25, 2010

I AM FAT

So, this picture was taken at the first game of last years U of M football season. I can remember getting ready for the game that day and thinking I looked good. SERIOUSLY??? I thought I looked good????? I think by that time in my life I had fooled myself into believing that the size I was, was the size I was going to stay. I made my large clothes fit, and look appropriate, but would cry when I took them off because I felt like I was hanging a tent in my closet. All women gripe about their weight, and when I would sit around with these other women I would gripe too. The only difference was they had 10 pounds to loose, I had several more "10's" than that!!! So I continued to eat and be "happy."




Here's my back story. About 8 years ago I did Jenny Craig and lost 80 pounds. I was in the best shape of my life, running almost every day, and looking really good (ironically I can't find any pictures from then). I was wearing the smallest size I had worn in years, and finally after years of not dating, I had found someone who would actually take me out. So, I thought I was home free and would be that size forever. One problem...the boy. He didn't really like me all that well, and would only use me for a ride somewhere so he didn't have to pay for gas, a free homemade dinner, etc. So as I started feeling worse about myself and who I was to this boy, the more I let my eating slip, and the pounds came back on. I felt like I had lost control, but I didn't care. I quit Jenny Craig, quit running, and focused all my attention on getting this boy to like me. Little did I know that it would never happen, and I was running after something that wasn't worth running after! Fast forward a few years and I meet a random guy out one night. He introduces himself as Donnie, and asks me out for the next night. Well, as you already know, that was the beginning of the end, and I found the love of my life. Still, one problem...we LOVED to eat. I was happy, had someone who thought I was beautiful, and wanted to take me out to nice places...and we ate, and ate, and ate. So, when I got married, I was at the heaviest I had ever been-to that point.


Over the next few years I continued to not only gain back all the weight I lost on Jenny Craig, but I also gain more on top of it. I blamed it on the drugs I took for infertility. I blamed it on the depression I felt because of infertility. I blamed it on everything except for what was the real problem....I loved to eat. Well, I knew I needed to start loosing weight when every picture I saw I looked pregnant, and knew I couldn't possibly be. But what was I going to do? I had a small breakdown, then I decided I knew what I had to do. So, I joined Weight Watchers.


I've been on Weight Watchers now since the beginning of March. March 10th to be exact. I set a goal in mind of where I wanted to be for Emily's wedding and I have achieved it in just 4 short months. I now have another goal in October, one I don't quite feel like sharing with everyone yet, but still a goal all the same. My life, and eating habits have changed. Sure, I still feel a craving for sweet stuff, or fancy food, but instead of eating a WHOLE container of something, I limit myself. I've lost almost 28 pounds-not to shabby. I still have a lot to go, but the picture below was taken on May 15 of this year, and I now know that anything is possible!




















































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