Saturday, September 12, 2009

Well, it's Saturday morning at 8:45 and we are up and about getting ready to go to a fun filled day of adoption training. Wait, did I say fun filled? Sorry...what I meant was, we are about to go sit through an agonizing 6 hours of training that, so far has proved not to be very beneficial to us. We've already sat through 5.75 hours of the 10 hours of required training. I know that this class will put us over the "required" amount, however we are "required" to do this all day training before we can adopt. We missed the last one because we were in Puerto Rico (picture to the right). Sadly, well, not so sadly, I wish we there again today! The first time we missed I didn't feel bad about it, in fact I didn't even think about it while lying out by that beautiful pool, sleeping in late, and going over to the private island to spend the day....nope, did not think about the training one bit! However, today we have to go. Most of you would probably think, oh take all the training you can to get you ready for your new little one, and sure, if this was about baby care, I would be all for it! This training however is about how to do our profile (already done and turned in two months ago), the legal aspects of adoption (already went to that training last month), how it feels to be an adoptive parent (I think that would kind of be common sense, and not necessarily something you could train people about, but whatever, and lastly what "the loss" feels like to the birth parent. Again, not something that should be considered training, but still that part may be interesting to know.
This is the part that gets me about the "loss" portion of the training. Most everyone sitting in that room as a "waiting parent" parent has experienced loss in some form or another. Sure, most of us have never had to give up a child we carried for months, bonded with, and will always have an attachment too, but another form of loss. I personally believe, if any of the other couples in the class have felt loss like we have, it's very real, and something even the social workers look around and try to explain away. You see, today marks 4 years of Donnie and I trying to have a baby. Why do I remember that? Well, I knew we had prayed about it, and I was going to stop birth control in September. Ironically, the day to "renew" my prescription was September 11th, and that night instead of running to Walgreens to pick up the prescription, we decided to quit taking the pill. 36 times in the last 4 years I've experienced loss on a very personal level. Each time I didn't start I would take a "test" and it would be negative. If you don't know anything about PCOS, you are very irregular, so this has led to the 36 test I've taken in the past 4 years. Sure, you become numb to it, and realize it's not going to be positive, but still, in the back of your head there is that little voice that says "maybe this one time." I would pray that none of you would ever have to go through this because it's a pain, and sense of loss, that you never forget. Sure, I'm SUPER excited about our adoption, and how God has led us to this point, but their are days that I think about those times of "loss" and wonder what God wanted to teach me through all of it......just my thoughts on a Saturday morning....have a great day!

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