Monday, September 28, 2009

Would I have the courage?

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted something on the blog. I guess I've been spending too much time clipping coupons and saving money!

Seriously, I've had a "wake-up" call of sorts the past two days that came courtesy of my husband, and one of our friends Ben. Ben and his wife Shelbi have become dear friends of ours over the past few months since they started attending our connect group, and, as I told them last night, "infiltrating our circle." Ben, like Donnie only became a Christian in later part of his life, and both are constantly striving to learn more about God, with an insatiable hunger for the word. I remember when I had that hunger. Yes, you read that right, I said HAD. I don't know what's happened over the past few months, but spending time alone with God has become more of an obligation than a opportunity. Every morning I wake up and think about doing a quiet time, but the pull of Facebook, balancing the checkbook, finishing up laundry, basically anything that can occupy the two hours before Donnie gets up, has started taking precedence. Well, since Friday the Lord has been dealing with my heart about spending time with him. I have been dismissing the fact that I sometimes fall asleep during prayer to the fact that I'm just really, really tired instead of realizing that what I'm saying is only bouncing to the ceiling and back because it lacks conviction. I've almost become numb the fact that I don't feel like my prayers are being answered, instead of taking ownership in the fact that I lack the faith for the prayers to be answered. I don't know what has gotten into me, well, yes I's called lack of faith, worldly desires....satan.

So what has changed my heart the past few days? Well, like I said before it's my husband and Ben. Sometimes I think God puts a new Christian in our life to show us what "childlike faith" really looks like. Last night Ben went up on stage at church and answered questions about how his life had changed over the past year since accepting Jesus as his savior. He made is just sound so simple, changing your life that is, and I began to think at what point did I pull away? At what point did I start acting the part, but not living the faith? Then, after church we went to dinner with Ben and Shelbi. Like I said before, we love these guys and have the best time when we get to hang out with them, and last night of course was no exception. Ben and Donnie had both been to a men's retreat this weekend and were full of all kinds of facts, statistics, and biblical truths. While at dinner they rehashed the weekend, and talked about all that they had learned. God started to prick my heart and say "do you remember when you were that excited about me?" "Do you remember when you, like Ben, would pray and wait anticipating the answer...even looking around during a prayer to see if I was answering right then?" "Do you remember?" Then, my husband did something he's never done before that sat me on my butt thinking I've got to come out of whatever this dark place is that I've been residing. Donnie told our waitress we were about to pray over our food, and asked if there was anything we could pray about for her. She was so taken aback, but then she asked us to pray that she get her scholarship to school back. She lost it last semester by 1/100th of a point, and she was so disappointed. Donnie then prayed for our food, and for Fallon, who I will never forget, that she get her GPA up, and scholarship back. For the rest of the meal I sat unusually silent, caught in my thoughts of how I was going to make a change. I started wondering to myself how many times do I go out to eat with my church friends and saying a blessing over our food is perfectly acceptable, normal and right, but when I go out with my other friends, it's the last thing on my mind? When did praying about our family situation, and asking God to bless us with a child become routine, and not passionate? I know I'm very passionate about it, but I almost always just mention it to God as an after thought...almost like, well-I know you are probably not going to answer this anytime soon, but I still need to say something....seriously, when did I become this person?

With more passion and desire than I've ever felt I'm setting out today to become a better Christian, a better witness, wife, sister, daughter, friend...child of God! I know that God has so much in store for my life if I just dig down and restore my relationship with Him. The only way I know to do this is to spend time in His word, to pray and really mean it, and to seek His face in all I do. Not just give lip service to the One who created me, but to give true and perfect praise to the One whose breath I breathe.

Thanks babe for the witness you've been to me! You will never know how much your simple act of service to the Lord at Macaroni Grill touched my heart! I love you for who you are, what you are to me, and what you want to be in Christ Jesus....

Thanks Ben for being willing to share so much of yourself with us, and the rest of the church. Your burning hunger for God and His word have made an impression on me that I won't soon forget. We love you and Shelbi so much, and are forever grateful for your friendship!

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